Stuff about Rome

Okay, so my mom told me to write about what I learned from Famous Men of Rome. This isn’t chronologically ordered, by the way. Here we go!

So, um, there was the dude named Julius Caesar. You’ve probably heard of him. So he was leisurely strolling down the street, when up comes this weird fortune teller guy. He’s got one message for Caesar,  and it ain’t good.

“Beware the Ides of March!” he says, A.K.A. March 15th. I’ve survived a lot of Ides (approaching my tenth), but Caesar didn’t live to see March 16th. 

Anyway, he walks into the Forum and take his usual place. Someone comes up and asks him something, and then a bunch of people gather around him. One knifes him in the side. And then… he’s stabbed to death. Ow. So, everybody’s trying to kill the ringleader, Brutus, along with everyone else that stabbed Caesar. But the murderers skedaddle, and then Rome doesn’t have a leader. 

Caesar gets replaced by Caesar Augustus, and yay, everyone’s happy again. (Except the people who still want to kill Brutus and the others, which is pretty much everyone.) 

And now, searching my very large memory… Aha!

So there was an emperor dude named… um… shoot, I forgot. Anyway, EmperorDude’s wife died, so he got married again. His new wife was downright nasty. Not joking here. She got EmperorDude to name her son, Nero, as his successor. Then, she poisoned him. I can’t get that image out of my head… 

Then Nero’s reign began. He kinda had a rocky relationship with his mom, so she left Rome.

Of course, Nero did some stuff which didn’t exactly make the people happy. He got chased out of Rome by some guys, during which he was trapped in this tiny little building, where he died with his slave. Here’s some (slightly edited) dialogue from Nero’s death.

NERO: We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die!!!

SLAVE: Yo, bruh! Chill! Check this dagger I found! You can probably commit suicide and therefore not become disgraced!

NERO: Umm… 

SLAVE: Oh, come on, man! It’ll be fine!

(SOUND OF GUYS COMING VERY CLOSE TO TINY LITTLE BUILDING)

NERO: Oh, poop…. I didn’t want it to end this wa-

(SOUND OF SLAVE STABBING NERO IN THE CHEST (YEAH, IT HURT A LOT)

NERO: (Nero is silent because he’s dead)

(SOUND OF GUYS BREAKING DOWN THE DOOR)

GUY: Put your hands up!

SLAVE: Okay! Okay! Geez, you guys don’t even have guns!

GUY: Oh yeah?

(SOUND OF SLAVE BEING SHOT)

SLAVE: Ow.

Okay, so maybe that last part wasn’t historically correct, but hey, it was a lot of fun to write. And now I’m going to publish this.

Bye.